Logo
Shopping Cart

Shopping Cart 0 Items (Empty)

Categories

Dr Phil McGraw Audio Books -AudioBooks CD plus Robin and Jay McGraw

Dr Phil McGraw Audio Books click here

Robin McGraw Inside my Heart Audio Book Click Here

Closing the Gap - Jay McGraw Audio Book Click Here

Dr Phil McGraw Family First Audio Book click here

Dr Phil McGraw Ultimate Weight Solution Audio Book click here

Dr Phil McGraw Life Strategies Audio Book click here

Dr Phil McGraw Self Matters Audio Book click here

Dr Phil McGraw Love Smart Audio Book click here

Dr Phil McGraw Relationship Rescue Audio Book click here

 

 

Dr Phil McGraw News

Safety Information From Meta

Safety Information From Meta

Safety Information From Meta

Features to protect teens:

  • Age verification

  • ‘Hidden Words’ comment and DM filter

  • Supervision Tools on Instagram: Parents around the world can access Family Center and set up tools with their teen to supervise their Instagram experience.
    With these tools, parents and guardians can:
       o Set specific times during the day or week when they would like to limit their
           teen’s use of Instagram.
       o View how much time their teens spend on Instagram and set time limits.
       o Be notified when their teen shares they’ve reported someone including
          who was reported and the type of report.
       o View and receive updates on what accounts their teens follow and the
          accounts that follow their teens.
       o View and be notified if their teen makes an update to their privacy and
          account settings.
       o See which accounts their teens have blocked.

  • Sensitive Content Control: The Sensitive Content Control has only two options for teens: “Standard” and “Less.” New teens on Instagram under 16 years old will be defaulted into the “Less” state. For teens already on Instagram, we will send a prompt encouraging them to select the “Less” experience. This will make it more difficult for young people to come across potentially sensitive content or accounts in Search, Explore, Hashtag Pages, Reels, Feed Recommendations and Suggested Accounts.

  • ‘Take a Break’ reminders: We now give people on Instagram the option to turn on ‘break reminders’ so they can remind themselves when they’ve spent 10, 20 or 30 minutes on the app in a given visit to the app. When you hit your ‘break reminder,’ you’ll also see expert-backed tips on how to reset and take a moment away from social media. For teens, we encourage them to turn these on when they’ve been on the app for a period of time.

  • Teen topic nudge: Alternate topic nudge reminds teens to switch to a different topic if they’ve been scrolling on the same content for some time. We see that it’s working too — in an early test, one in five teens who saw a “nudge” switched to a different topic.

More features to protect teens:

  • Expert-backed in-app resources specific to suicide, self-harm & eating disorders
  • Dedicated reporting option for eating disorder content
  • Options to hide like counts
  • Restricting DMs between adults and teens
  • Default private accounts for teens
  • Additional defaults for teens
  • Preventing suspicious adults from finding and following teens
  • Defaulting teens into certain content settings

Posted on 7 February 2023 | 6:31 pm

Safety Information From TikTok

Safety Information From TikTok

Safety Information From TikTok

We encourage community members to use the tools we provide on TikTok to report any content or account they believe violates our Community Guidelines.

For Your Feed reflects preferences unique to each user. The system recommends content by ranking videos based on a combination of factors, including videos you like or share, accounts you follow, comments you post, and content you create. An account's user name does not influence their recommendations.

• Last year we began testing ways to avoid recommending a series of similar content on topics.

• We've also been testing ways to recognize if our system may inadvertently be recommending a narrower range of content to a viewer.

• We introduced Content Levels to prevent content with overtly mature themes, such as fictional scenes that may be too frightening or intense for younger audiences, from reaching audiences between ages 13-17.

• If someone comes across content that might be irrelevant or something they don't want to see, community members can choose to hide future videos from the creator or hide videos that use the same sound. Learn more about our tools to limit unwanted content and customize content with filters.

Combatting suicide, self-harm and eating disorder content

Our Community Guidelines make clear that we do not allow content depicting, promoting, normalizing, or glorifying activities that could lead to suicide or self-harm.

• From April-June 2022, of the videos removed for violating our policies on suicide and self-harm content, 93.4% were removed at zero views, 91.5% were removed within 24 hours of being posted, 97.1% were removed before any reports

• Additional measures include: providing search interventions, which means that when someone searches for banned words or phrases such as #selfharm they will not see any results and will instead be redirected to local support resources

• As outlined in our Community Guidelines, content that promotes unhealthy eating behaviors or habits that are likely to cause adverse health outcomes is not allowed     on the platform, and we expanded this policy earlier this year to focus on disordered eating more broadly. We made this change, in consultation with eating  disorders experts, researchers, and physicians, as we understand that people can struggle with unhealthy eating patterns and behavior without having an eating disorder diagnosis.

• One of the key challenges is helping moderators differentiate between "healthy" dieting or fitness behaviors and those that are harmful or indicate disordered eating.   What's triggering for one person may be completely fine for another, and because these thoughts and behaviors can ebb and flow over time, someone can find a piece    of content helpful to their recovery at one point, and harmful at another. That's why we're working to ensure people have a diverse and safe viewing experience. 

More here.

  • Another challenge is that content is constantly evolving, and although we redirect thousands of terms to the National Eating Disorders Association (NEDA) Helpline,   people change the language they're using as they try to evade our safeguards, and we regularly update our safeguards to reflect these changes.

Our approach to youth safety

  • On TikTok we offer a range of safety and privacy controls to empower people to make decisions about who they share their content with.

  • We also believe it's important to ensure even stronger proactive protections to help keep teenagers safe, and we've continually introduced changes to support age-ppropriate experiences on our platform.

  • For example, when younger teens start using TikTok, we intentionally restrict access to some features, such as Direct Messaging, and automatically set accounts of users ages 13-15 to private by default. Accounts under the age of 18 can't send or receive virtual gifts or livestream. Content created by those under 16 is not eligible for recommendation or search results.

  • We aim to provide parents with resources they can use to have conversations about digital safety and decide the most comfortable experience for their family, including our Family Pairing features and our Guardian's Guide to TikTok.

Posted on 7 February 2023 | 6:30 pm

Experiencing A Mental Health Emergency? Call Or Text 9-8-8

Experiencing A Mental Health Emergency? Call Or Text 9-8-8

Too many Americans die as the result of a mental health emergency because they don’t know how to get help. The new national three-digit emergency hotline is designed to change that.

Just as U.S. residents now call 9-1-1 and don’t have to look up the number for the fire department if their home is on fire, they can now call 9-8-8 in a mental health crisis and receive free, compassionate, and confidential professional help when it’s needed most.

The 9-8-8 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline is a national network of more than 200 crisis centers that help thousands of people to overcome crises every day. These centers are supported by local and state resources and the Department of Health and Human Services’ Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA).

If you or someone you know are experiencing a mental health crisis, text or call 9-8-8 for help. Or reach out to http://988lifeline.org to chat. The 11-digit hotline number (1-800-273-8255) also remains in service.

Posted on 20 July 2022 | 12:30 am

General and Mental Health Resources

General and Mental Health Resources

If you believe you need immediate assistance, please call your local emergency number or the mental health crisis hotline listed in your local phone book's government pages. Because DrPhil.com does not operate, supervise, or exercise any control over any of the therapists, resources or referral services listed, it makes no representations or warranty whatsoever, either expressed or implied, regarding any information or advice provided by these referral services. In no event shall it, Dr. Phil or the producers of the show be liable to you or anyone else for any decision made or action taken in reliance on information provided by these therapists, resources or referral services.  

Helpguide.org
www.helpguide.org 

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline
(800) 273-TALK (8255) 

Obsessive-Compulsive Foundation
www.ocfoundation.org/

Mayo Clinic
www.mayoclinic.org

National Center for Complementary and Alternative Medicine
http://nccam.nih.gov

National Institutes of Health
http://www.nih.gov/

National Institute of Mental Health
http://www.nimh.nih.gov/index.shtml

American Autoimmune Related Diseases Association, Inc.
www.aarda.org

Alcoholics Anonymous
https://www.aa.org/

Adult Children of Alcoholics
(310) 534-1815
www.adultchildren.org

National Association for Children of Alcoholics
(301) 468-0985
www.nacoa.org

Focus Adolescent Services
(877) FOCUS-AS
www.focusas.com/Alcohol.html     

National Sexual Violence Resource Center
www.nsvrc.org

Children and Adults with Attention Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder
www.chadd.org

National Council on Child Abuse and Family Violence
www.nccafv.org

Substance Abuse And Mental Health Services Administration
(877) SAMHSA-7
http://www.samhsa.gov/    

American Foundation for Suicide Prevention
www.afsp.org
If you are in crisis, call (800) 273-TALK  

Suicide Prevention
(800) SUICIDE
www.mentalhealth.org/suicideprevention

The American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry
(202) 966-7300
www.aacap.org

American Psychological Association
www.apa.org

National Youth Crisis Hotline
(800) 448-4663

Childhelp USA National Child Abuse Hotline
(800) 422-4453
www.childhelpusa.org

National Domestic Violence Hotline
(800) 799-7233

Elder Care Locator Service
(800) 677-1116

Ulifeline
www.ulifeline.org

MedlinePlus
www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus

Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network
www.rainn.org     
 

 

Posted on 2 May 2022 | 12:30 pm

Ways To Support The People Of Ukraine And The Democratic Republic Of The Congo

Ways To Support The People Of Ukraine And The Democratic Republic Of The Congo

Conflicts in Ukraine and the Democratic Republic of the Congo are impacting the health, safety, and welfare of civilians in both nations. Check the sites below for information on ways you can donate or volunteer to help.

Ukraine

United Help Ukraine

World Central Kitchen

International Rescue Committee

Bocktok SOS

Razom for Ukraine

Global Giving

Nova Ukraine
 

Democratic Republic of the Congo

Doctors Without Borders

CARE - Fighting Global Poverty

Save the Children

World Food Programme

Concern Worldwide

Posted on 15 March 2022 | 6:30 pm

Patient Bill Of Rights

Patient Bill Of Rights

As a patient, you have certain rights when you visit a doctor or hospital. Become familiar with your rights – listed below -- and learn what you can do to prepare for a doctor’s visit.

You have the right to:

1. Considerate and respectful care; to be made comfortable

2. Have a family member (or rep) and your physician notified of your admission to hospital

3. Know the name of the licensed health care practitioner who has responsibility for coordinating your care; names of physicians and non-physicians who will see you

4. Receive info about your health status, diagnosis, prognosis, course of treatment; effective communication in development of your plan of care; participate in ethical questions

5. Receive as much info about any proposed treatment or procedure as you need to give informed consent or to refuse a course of treatment

6. Request or refuse treatment, to the extent permitted by law; leave the hospital against advice of members of the medical staff, to the extent permitted by law

7. Be advised if hospital/health care practitioner proposes to engage in or perform human experimentation affecting your care or treatment

8. Reasonable responses to any reasonable requests made for service

9. Appropriate assessment and management of your pain, information about pain, pain relief measures; participate in pain management decisions

10. Formulate advance directives; designating a decision maker if you become incapable of understanding a treatment or cannot communicate wishes

11. Have personal privacy respected

12. Confidential treatment of all communications and records

13. Receive care in a safe setting, free from mental, physical, sexual or verbal abuse and neglect, exploitation or harassment

14. Be free from restraints and seclusion used as a means of coercion, discipline, convenience or retaliation by staff

15. Reasonable continuity of care; know in advance the time and location of appointments as well as the identity of the persons providing the care

16. Be informed by the physician, or a delegate of the physician, of continuing health care requirements and options following discharge from the hospital

17. Know which hospital rules and policies apply to your conduct while a patient

18. Designate a support person; have visitors of your choosing unless no visitors allowed, facility determines presence of visitor would endanger patient, staff or visitor, or you have told facility you no longer want a person to visit

19. Have your wishes considered, if you lack decision-making capacity, for purposes of determining who may visit

20. Examine and receive explanation of hospital’s bill regardless of the source of payment

21. Exercise these rights without regard to sex, economic status, educational background, race, color, religion, ancestry, national origin, sexual orientation, disability, medical condition, marital status, registered domestic partner status, or source of payment for care

22. File a grievance

23. File a complaint with the California Department of Public Health

SOURCE: CA Hospital Association

Posted on 25 March 2021 | 5:30 pm

Is COVID Causing Your Teen to Spiral Out of Control?

Posted on 11 February 2021 | 6:30 pm

How The Aspire News App Could Save Your Life

How The Aspire News App Could Save Your Life

Planning a safe exit from an abusive relationship is a necessary and important step before leaving your partner.

Robin McGraw, along with her foundation, When Georgia Smiled: The Robin McGraw and Dr. Phil Foundation, helped develop the Aspire News app — a free app that uses technology to assist victims in abusive situations.

“I can’t tell you how proud I am of Robin, of course, and this breakthrough in technology that can absolutely save your life the moment that abuse is occurring,” Dr. Phil says.

Watch the video above to learn about how the Aspire News app – which has been recognized on Capitol Hill for its aid in helping to end domestic violence – works and how it can save lives at the push of a button.

Download the free Aspire News app, here.

Posted on 20 May 2016 | 4:30 pm

9 Warning Signs Of An Abusive Relationship

9 Warning Signs Of An Abusive Relationship

In an abusive relationship, there are often consistent warning signs.

When Georgia Smiled: The Robin McGraw and Dr. Phil Foundation creates and advances programs that help victims of domestic violence and sexual assault live healthy, safe and joy-filled lives.

Through the foundation, Robin has created the Aspire Initiative, a free domestic violence education curriculum for tweens, teens and adults, to reduce the level of intimate relationship violence in the United States. She has also created the Aspire News App, which has been recognized on Capitol Hill and on the floor of the United Nations as one of the most meaningful apps in the fight against domestic violence.

Here is a list of nine potential warning signs you or someone you know may be involved in an abusive relationship:
 

  1. Quick involvement in a relationship
  2. Extreme jealousy
  3. Controlling behavior
  4. Threats of violence
  5. Abrupt mood changes
  6. Verbal abuse
  7. Breaking objects
  8. Use of force during an argument
  9. History of past battering

In the video above, Dr. Phil talks with Destinee and Shaila about their relationship, and whether they see any warning signs in their own behavior toward each other.

Posted on 20 April 2016 | 4:49 am

Parenting in the Real World: Shocking Statistics

Parenting in the Real World: Shocking Statistics

Parents, you need to prepare your children for the real world — not the world you wish they were inheriting. From Life Code: The New Rules for Winning in the Real World, Dr. Phil shares some shocking statistics about children being raised in today’s family paradigm: Your children were born into a very different world from the one you were born into and grew up in. When the game changes, so do the rules, and boy, oh boy, has the game changed for your children! The family paradigm has changed radically.

When I grew up, the typical family was still a working dad, a stay-at-home mom, and two or three children in a neighborhood full of intact families. Today, the divorce rate is around 40 percent, and children living with a single parent or in a blended family are common. And this creates a whole new environment of risk for children.

Did you know that compared to a child living in what researchers refer to as an intact family:
 

  • A child with a biological mother who lives alone is 14 times more likely to suffer abuse.
  • A child with a biological father who lives alone is 20 times more likely to suffer abuse.
  • A child with biological parents who are cohabitating but not married is 20 times more likely to suffer abuse.

And, most shocking of all:

  • A child with a biological mother who is living with a man who is not the child’s father is 33 times more likely to suffer abuse. (Source: Dreamcatchers for Abused Children)

When I’ve presented these statistics to audiences on my show, the reaction is incredulity. But there’s more:
 

  • Children living in households with unrelated adults are nearly 50 times as likely to die of inflicted injuries as children living with two biological parents. (Source: Journal of American Academy of Pediatrics, 2005.)
  • Children of single parents had 77 percent greater risk of being harmed by physical abuse than children living with both parents. (Source: National Incidence Study)

For more information on parenting in the real world and the risks your children now face, get your copy of Life Code: New Rules for Winning in the Real World.

Posted on 20 February 2013 | 11:30 am

Quiz: Can You Spot a Narcissist?

Quiz: Can You Spot a Narcissist?

Can You Spot a Narcissist?

This video is unavailable because we were unable to load a message from our sponsors.

If you are using ad-blocking software, please disable it and reload the page.
Playing Can You Spot a Narcissist?

 


Do you think you could spot a narcissist? Could it be you or someone you know? Narcissistic personality disorder is a habitual pattern of grandiosity, a constant need for admiration, and a lack of empathy, beginning in early adulthood, and indicated by the following criteria. If any of these apply, you might have a narcissist in your midst!

1. A grandiose sense of self-importance where the individual exaggerates achievements and talents and expects to be recognized as superior without relevant accomplishments.

2. A preoccupation with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty or ideal love.

3. A belief that he or she is special and unique and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high-status people or institutions.

4. A need for excessive admiration.

5. A sense of entitlement and unreasonable expectations of favorable treatment or automatic compliance with his or her expectations.

6. Interpersonally exploitative and takes advantage of others to meet his or her own end.

7. A lack of empathy and unwillingness to recognize or identify with the feelings and needs of others.

8. Envy of others or a belief that others are envious of him or her.

9. A demonstration of arrogant behaviors or attitudes.

 

 

 

(Source: DSM5) The above is provided for informational purposes only and cannot substitute for a full evaluation by a healthcare professional.

TELL DR. PHIL YOUR STORY: At your final breaking point?

 

 

Posted on 30 October 2012 | 11:30 am

Quiz: Could You Have PTSD?

Quiz: Could You Have PTSD?

Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) is a complex anxiety disorder that may develop after exposure to an extremely stressful or life-threatening event " involving death, the threat of death or serious injury " with resulting intense fear, helplessness or horror. Check off any of the following signs that you may have experienced over the past six months:  

1) Nightmares of past traumatic events you have observed or experienced directly.  

2) Flashbacks or re-experienced scenes from past traumatic experiences as if they were real.  

3) Triggers of physical and psychological stresses related to traumatic experiences.  

4) Avoidance of any reminders of similar circumstances of traumatic experiences.  

5) Isolation from others because of anxiety and fear.  

6) Emotional numbing.  

7) Outbursts of anger or irrational rage.  

8) Problems in concentration and focus.  

9) Hyper-vigilance for triggers or paranoid thinking that something is bound to happen to you of a traumatic nature that you have no control over.  

10) Difficulties with memory and problem-solving abilities.  

If you have checked more than one of 1 through 4 and more than one of 6 through 10, you may be suffering from PTSD, especially if the symptoms are a disruption of your personal, vocational, family or school life.  

The following mental health resources can help.
 

Posted on 24 September 2010 | 10:30 am

Tips to Keep Your Kids Safe Online

Tips to Keep Your Kids Safe Online

 

According to the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children, approximately 28 to 30 million children use the Internet, and one in seven children will be sexually solicited by an online pedophile. Dr. Phil has tips for protecting the ones you love.

  • Never leave your child alone in a room with a computer connected to the Internet.
  • Educate yourself on basic computer knowledge.
  • Never give out or allow your child to give out personal information through the Internet.
  • Never allow your child to upload a picture of him or herself onto the Internet.
  • Make sure to have an open line of communication with your children. Talk to your child about the dangers of the Internet and sexual victimization.
  • Keep the computer in a common room in the house.
  • Spend time with your children online. Have them show you their favorite online destinations.
  • Always maintain access to your child's online accounts.


Signs That Your Child May Be at Risk Online

  • Your child spends large amounts of time online, especially at night.
  • You find pornography on your child's computer.
  • Your child receives phone calls from people you don't know.
  • Your child is quick to turn off the computer monitor when you enter the room.
  • Your child becomes withdrawn from the family.
  • Your child is using an online account belonging to someone else.

 

 

Posted on 3 February 2009 | 11:30 am

Signs and Symptoms of Hoarding

Signs and Symptoms of Hoarding

People who hoard feel compelled to acquire or save items that others may consider worthless. They may stock up on items at garage sales or rummage through other people's trash. They often spend lots of time moving items in their home from one pile to another, without actually discarding anything. They may be so preoccupied by all their clutter and belongings that they don't socialize with family or friends.

Hoarding affects emotions, thoughts and behavior. Signs and symptoms of hoarding may include:
 

  • Inability to discard items
  • Acquiring unneeded or seemingly useless items
  • Keeping stacks of newspapers, magazines or junk mail
  • Saving trash or used food containers
  • Cluttered living spaces
  • Impairment of daily activities
  • Procrastination
  • Trouble making decisions
  • Perfectionism
  • Difficulty organizing items
  • Forming attachments to possessions rather than people
  • Restricting others from touching or borrowing possessions

If a person exhibits some or most of these signs, one should seek outside help.

Posted on 17 October 2008 | 11:30 am

Tips for Checking Up on Your Doctor

Tips for Checking Up on Your Doctor

When you're preparing for a medical procedure -- from a minor in-office treatment to major surgery -- how do you know if your doctor is qualified? That's the question that arose recently during a discussion between Dr. Phil and doctors, including OB-GYN Lisa Masterson, family therapist Dr. Tara Fields, pediatrician Dr. Jim Sears, plastic surgeon Dr. Andrew Ordon, and E.R. physician Dr. Travis Stork.

The springboard for the discussion is gastric bypass surgery. Dr. Phil notes that a general surgeon might be able to do the procedure, but does that mean he or she is qualified?

Dr. Ordon offers tips for choosing someone to do gastric bypass -- or any other type of surgery. He says to make sure your surgeon:

  • Is board certified. 
  • Does a lot of the procedure you are looking to have done. 
  • Is open about his or her experience and shares it with you. 
  • Is willing to show his or her results. 
  • Allows you to talk to other patients.

The doctors encourage patients to check up on their doctors. One resource available to patients is their state's board of medicine, which provides information on a doctor's training and board certification. A patient can also register with medical societies, which provide information on doctors' records and training.

Most of this type of research can be done online, but Dr. Stork offers a warning. "You've got to be careful with that because there are a lot of bogus claims against wonderful doctors," he says. "So, you don't want to depend completely on the internet because a lot of times people have citations with the board, but they may be the best surgeon in the state."

Dr. Phil makes a point that the patient should review a doctor's history and patterns. "If you've got guy who filed a complaint on you 14 years ago for whatever reason out of 15,000 people, that's different than if you punch up a doctor and they've got 147 suits on them because they forgot to put the ear back on or something," he says. 

He provides specific steps for researching a medical professional, using Dr. Masterson as an example.

  • Visit www.mbc.ca.gov
  • Click 'Check your doctor.' 
  • Scroll down and continue search.
  • Enter your doctor's name.
  • Click 'Find.'
  • Select your doctor.

Dr. Masterson acknowledges that she can be found on the registry using these steps.

"Well, she was clean," says Dr. Phil with mock disappointment.

"What they didn't see was my photo album of fibroids," Dr. Masterson says with pride, "and they should check out a doctor's surgical expertise as well."

"Absolutely. Find out what they're good at and what they're not good at," says Dr. Phil. "If there's a question on there, ask about it. If they don't want to answer it, go somewhere else."

 

Posted on 29 January 2008 | 11:30 am

Infrared Dating

Infrared Dating

In the show Love Smart, Part 1, Dr. Phil helps three single women quickly find out important information about the men they meet on three-minute dates. He uses his techniques from Chapter Nine, Infrared Dating, of his book, Love Smart: Find the One You Want – Fix the One You Got. In this chapter, he empowers women with information-gathering tactics that will start real, substantive conversations and set up key situations for them to observe, in order to get the real scoop on where they are and could be headed. Dr. Phil has developed a series of questions and guideposts that women can, with considerable reliability, use to predict where these guys will come down on the issues that really matter to them  — marriage, family, respect and values. When asking these questions, you have to listen for subtleties, make simple inferences and watch for patterns. While they are good predictors, these indications are far from 100 percent accurate, so you have to rely on all the information available — your observations of his tone, body language and behavior. And trust your own instincts. The following are five critical areas of interest:

1. Will he marry me or is he commitment-phobic? In order to find out the answer to this question, you will have to ask indirect, "softball" questions that will allow the man to reveal his thoughts on marriage without panicking. Some areas to ask about are:

  • His social life: When asking about his social life, you are listening for whether or not he makes excessive use of the word we – meaning him and his group of friends. A guy who uses the word "I" a lot, is in a different space than a guy who is constantly saying "we." "If you are talking to somebody immersed in the "we" mode, you're not talking to somebody who is likely to make a commitment to you," Dr. Phil says.
  • His past: Like Dr. Phil often says, "The best predictor of future behavior is relevant past behavior." Ask him how long he has been at his job, in his career, living in one place, and had his car. Has he ever been in a committed relationship before? For how long? Weave these questions into the conversation, and take note of the answers.
  • His key people: Ask him about his parents, siblings, other respected adults and closest friends to see whether their experience with commitment has been good or bad. What has he observed from their relationships? "This is critically important information because those are associations in his head. Those are the role models and influencers who are likely to mold his values and influence his views about committed relationships," Dr. Phil says.

2. Will he be a loving and nurturing father? Ask and pay attention to the following areas:

  • His family legacy: Find out what kind of relationship he had with his parents, especially his father. How often does he talk to and visit them? How does he prioritize the events that are happening in his family? "While he looks to his mother as the model for the mother of his own children, he considers his father's behavior as a standard of how the man of the house should behave," Dr. Phil explains. Pay close attention to how he perceives his father's or stepfather's role as a parent.
  • His reactions: One idea is to take your date to a restaurant with a lot of families and kids making noise, to see how he reacts to the children. Or, introduce him to your friends who have children. Also, pay close attention to how he treats his pets, and/or your pets.
  • His general ideas on parenting: Ask him the following questions or bring up situations that generate answers to them or observations about them, to see what kind of parent he aspires to be: What responsibility should a parent take for the misbehavior of a child? Were you ever bullied? How would you treat a child who hurt himself or herself or was ill?

The answers to these questions will demonstrate the type of parenting style he admires and intends to follow.  

3. Will he treat me well? Use some of the observations you've already made to figure out what kind of husband the guy will make, and analyze the following areas:

  • His family background: One of the questions you want answered is how his father treated his mother and how he treats his mother. Also, ask questions about how his parents got along. The kind of home the man came from will determine his behavior in a future home.
  • Interpersonal behavior: How does he behave with you? Does he listen to what you say to him? Are your thoughts and feelings important to him? Can he share in both your misery and your happiness?
  •  His relationships with women: Look at his relationships with the women in his life – his coworkers, sisters, friends. Does he have female friends?

4. Does he have any major flaws? The following questions will help you determine if you are dealing with a man of integrity or with a man who will become a nightmare. To see how well-balanced a guy is, take note of the following:

  • His attitude toward his relationships: Does he have any chips on his shoulder from past relationships or family members? "If he has a sense of entitlement, that is a dead giveaway that this guy is trouble," Dr. Phil warns.
  • Destructive habits: Does the guy drink too much, chain smoke, or use drugs? "Normally self-destructive people do not limit their damaging behavior to themselves," Dr. Phil says.
  • Moral issues: Watch out for consistent patterns of behavior. Does he often tell white lies? How does he react to not getting his way? "Left unchecked, character flaws tend to get worse, not better, so you need to be really clear about your zero-tolerance policy," Dr. Phil advises.

5. How well does he fit my needs for the Character of Him? In chapter two of Love Smart, Dr. Phil has women figure out what they need and desire in a guy. Going through the areas of personality, social skills, relational style, spiritual compatibility and appearance, she will discover what qualities will make up her Mr. Almost Perfect. You want to feel like the guy is worthy of you and has a lot of what you want in a partner. Use the information you learned in chapter two and pay attention to the following:

  • Him without you: "He's going to put his best foot forward when you're around, so you may want to watch him from a slight distance to keep your vision from being distorted by emotions," Dr. Phil suggests. Bring him to a party and watch him from afar. Collect feedback from friends and family who have interacted with him.
  • His resume: What is his level of education? How successful is he in work? How successful is he in terms of the goals he wants to obtain? Be on the lookout for a pattern of failure.
  • His values: Ask him questions like: If he could change something he did in his life, what would it be? Is he religious or spiritual? Does he fulfill promises? Does he show up for commitments?
  • His moods: A person's real character comes out when they feel bad. How does he act when he's feeling low? How does he respond to you when you're in a bad mood? Does he have patience?  How do you argue and how do you resolve conflict?

If you want to learn quickly about the guy you're dating, these lines of questioning and observations will get you there. "Not only will talking about things that matter advance the relationship at a record pace, but it will distinguish you in his mind as a substantive individual," Dr. Phil explains. These questions open meaningful topics and help you see which men meet your agenda. They also help you find out intimate details about his life. Remember, act natural and don't make it an oral exam. Start by mentioning something about your life and show some vulnerability, and then ask him some of these questions. "If you listen, just listen, not only will he tell you exactly how to close the deal, but will help you figure out whether it's a deal you want to make in the first place." To learn more, go to Chapter Nine in Love Smart: Find the One You Want — Fix the One You Got. To read an excerpt, click here.

Posted on 6 December 2005 | 11:30 am

Parenting through Change

Parenting through Change

Screaming, hitting, bullying, temper tantrums — If your child's behavior is out of control and nothing you do is working, it's time for commando parenting! By shaking up dysfunctional behavior patterns, you can create positive change. For more information on parenting through change, see Chapter 11 of Family First: Your Step-by-Step Plan for Creating a Phenomenal Family. Then, use the exercises in The Family First Workbook to get started. 

Commando Parenting
You must be willing to adopt what I call "commando parenting." If you don't commit to totally immersing yourself in the plan, you'll sabotage your child's chance to change, which may, in turn, sabotage your family's future.

Gather the Army
This isn't something you can play at. If there are two of you involved on a daily basis you must both have a whatever-it-takes mentality. This is akin to an intervention, so you need a unified front. Dad may have to take two weeks of his vacation time and stay home with the children 24/7 to create a unified front with Mom. It could even mean that one of you has to quit working or downgrade to a part-time job to spend more time at home. You might have to drive a less expensive car, live in a smaller house, cut down on restaurant meals and vacation closer to home, but shaking up this family is more important than all of those extraneous things combined. Your future and the future of your children is at stake.

Get Back to Basics
An example of commando parenting is stripping everything from your child's room. Take away everything they love and enjoy. This means all toys, games, posters, and entertainment. Strip their bedroom of everything except a mattress, a blanket and a pillow. Then make them earn it all back one item at a time. There's a sense of entitlement with spoiled children and they need to learn that their toys and games are privileges.

Don't Back Down
Your child must be shown with 100 percent certainty that forbidden behavior will meet with the consequences you've laid out. If you don't enforce those consequences, you'll sabotage your child's development. You will confuse them. You will create anxiety and encourage maladaptive behavior.

Be Prepared for War
Your child will often revert to primitive behaviors, such as screaming, stomping around, wetting the bed, gagging, vomiting, throwing tantrums and other disruptive behaviors. Be prepared to tough it out. Think ahead and make a list of your child's most probable power plays and plan a reaction to each. When they have calmed down, explain to them that they haven't been behaving well and they won't be seeing any of their things until they've earned them back. Be specific about what they need to do to earn them back: Play nicely with others, use a nice voice when asking for something, don't scream at Mom and Dad, etc.

Time-outs
When it comes to putting your child in a time-out, choose a "boring" location devoid of stimulation. A corner, an empty room, wherever you choose the time-out to be, make sure there's absolutely nothing there to entertain them. If you have trouble keeping them in a room, lock the door. If you have to get a nanny cam or cut the door in half so you can monitor them, do so. Time-outs should last no longer than five minutes. One minute per year of life is a good rule of thumb. Explain to your child that the time-out doesn't start until they are quiet and behaving. If they're quiet for four minutes and 45 seconds and then they start screaming, start the time over.

Reward Good Behavior
The other step of commando parenting and reshaping your child's behavior is catching them doing something good. When you do, scoop them up in your arms and tell them how good they're being and thank them for being such a good kid. And then you can begin by giving them back a toy. But if they revert back to their previous behavior, don't be afraid to start all over again. Your child will learn and soon you'll have a much happier, healthier family.

 

Posted on 20 September 2005 | 10:30 am

Topics to Discuss with Your Doctor

Topics to Discuss with Your Doctor


The average time a doctor spends with a patient during a routine exam is only 15 minutes. To make the most of your time, you should come prepared with a list of topics and questions to discuss with your doctor. We suggest the following:

1) Review all medicines your doctor prescribes for you, including any vitamins, hormones or steroids you may already be taking.

2) Review your family health history, especially any history of heart disease, stroke, Alzheimer's and cancer.

3) Discuss any changes in weight or menstrual cycle.

4) Ask your doctor about screening tests specific to you. Are you up to date on all routine exams and vaccinations?

5) Discuss changes in sleep, temper or feeling stressed out. These behaviors may indicate depression.
 

Posted on 14 July 2005 | 7:38 am

Steps for Succeeding as Newlyweds

Steps for Succeeding as Newlyweds

Newlyweds can expect a certain number of ups and downs during their first year of marriage. Below are some steps to take to make it through the first year of your lives together, happy and intact.  

Plan for the marriage, not just the wedding. You've probably spent many hours deciding what kind of china you want to register for, the flowers you want to use and the type of cake you want to eat, but there's more at stake than just the wedding day. If you haven't already, decide who will take which responsibilities once you are actually married. Discuss the division of labor within the marriage and around the house. Negotiate things like how you're going to spend your time. Talk about having kids. Discuss finances. Talk about long-term planning and goals and what each of you wants the other to support. Come up with a plan that you can both be excited about.  

Have reasonable expectations. Courtship and marriage are not always the same. Falling in love is not the same thing as being in love. There's an adjustment when you merge two lives together. It's give and take. Embrace the change and know that it takes work. You are both responsible for contributing to the success of the marriage.  

Create a strong foundation. Marriage is a partnership. Commit to each other and to your marriage from day one, and work on your relationship every day. Wake up every morning and ask yourself, "What can I do today to make my spouse's life better?" Deal with your spouse in a way that protects and enhances his/her self-esteem. Let your spouse know that you are proud of him/her. Instead of badgering, inspire your spouse to be the partner you want to be with. Build a partnership of love, mutual support and commitment to each other. Have balance and make time for each other. Don't be too absorbed in work or other activities that take you outside of the house. Make sure you are spending enough quality time with your spouse and family.  

Communicate at a mature level. Be honest with yourselves about what you need in your relationship. When there are problems, go back to the beginning and start over; remember the reasons you started your relationship in the first place. Talk with each other and decide how you are going to get your relationship back on track. Instead of just complaining, be specific about what it is that you want. No one's a mind reader, so don't expect your spouse to be able to figure out how you're feeling.   "You don't ever solve a relationship problem by turning away from your partner," Dr. Phil says. Turn toward each other to fix what's wrong, don't look outside the marriage. Any time you turn away from your partner to fulfill your needs instead of toward him/her, it's a betrayal. Want to know if some behavior is cheating? If you wouldn't do it with your spouse right next to you, it's cheating. If you've cheated, rebuild trust by generating a new history that is not marked with infidelity and deception. Sit down with your partner and negotiate a new plan. Discuss each of your needs in your marriage. And if you agree to something, have enough emotional integrity to stick to your promises. If you know you can't stick to it, don't agree to it.  

Learn to fight fair. The number one predictor of divorce is how you end a fight. Learn How to Fight Fair to keep your marriage healthy.  

Ask yourself: How much fun are you to live with? You either contribute to your relationship, or you contaminate it.  Go into your relationship with a spirit of acceptance, not criticism. If all you ever do is nit-pick, nag and criticize, you'll create a parent/child relationship, rather than one of love, laughter and mutual respect. People generate the results they think they deserve. If all you ever put out is negativity and pessimism, that's all you'll get in return.  

Be patient and be willing to make sacrifices. "When you grow up, you realize that you don't get to do everything you want to do whenever you want to do it. You have to make sacrifices," Dr. Phil explains. If there are financial problems, you must be willing to forgo some of the things you are used to, so that you can get out of debt and start saving for your future and the future of your children. Find happiness among yourselves and your children. Value things you can create within your lifestyle and budget.

 

Posted on 15 October 2004 | 1:30 pm

Strength and Cardio Training with Robert Reames, Part 1

Strength and Cardio Training with Robert Reames, Part 1

By Robert Reames, CSCS, *D, RTS1, CPT All right! Now you've made the decision to begin your exercise program and master

Key #6: Intentional Exercise in The Ultimate Weight Solution. This decision is a great one. You must follow through, stick with it, make it happen and don't look back. None of the following information will benefit you without commitment, consistency and total effort. This decision will no doubt add quality years to your life. Whether you decide to join a gym or exercise at home or at work, I want to provide you with some guidelines, specific tips and a sample program. This information can help you to make the very best use of the valuable time that you invest in yourself and your weight/fat loss program.

Strength Training

Strength training, resistance training, lifting weights, is the most important mode of exercise that you can incorporate into your weight/fat loss program. Strength training builds and develops lean, precious, active, valuable fat-burning muscle! Muscle works like a brigade of fat-burning fireplaces throughout your body always on fire. By continuing to build and develop muscle you literally kick your metabolism into super power high gear. Not only do you burn more calories when you work out, but more importantly this brigade of fireplaces is working to burn fat 24/7! The more you strength train the more fireplaces ignite and the more intense existing fireplaces become. For every one pound of muscle that you gain, you will burn roughly an additional 50 calories per day " even at rest. It's like a great investment that just keeps the cash coming in around the clock. Muscle is like hiring a fleet of employees and putting them in your body to burn fat, and they never fail you. Another huge payoff is that by building muscle you increase your body's sensitivity to insulin which greatly enhances your weight loss efforts. This is major because many folks across America who are overweight are insulin resistant as well. It's a win/win situation all the way.

Here is a sample strength training program:

Warm Up:

  • 5 to 8 minutes on a cardio piece of choice or a walk around the premises.
  • 20 seconds arm circles front, 20 seconds arm circles to the back.
  • 16 high knee lifts (alternate 8 per side) *Appropriate warm up is vital to the preparation, safe application and quality of your workout.

    Strength Week #1 (all sets should consist of 12 reps)
  • 3 sets of pushing motions (chest presses)
  • 3 sets of pulling motions (i.e. row, pulldowns)
  • 2 sets of overhead presses or lateral raises (if the overhead motion is uncomfortable)
  • 3 sets of squats (leg press will also work here)
  • 3 sets of ball bridges (see Ball Training)
  • 1 set of standard reverse wood chops on each side. Use tubing or a medicine ball (see Plateau Busters)
  • 3 sets of basic abdominal crunches
  • 3 Supermans (Hold for 10 seconds each) (see Resistance Training with Tubing)
  • Cardio (piece of choice or auxiliary sport workout)
  • 2 to 3 minutes calming stretch and relaxing breathing
  • Total workout time 35 to 45 minutes

    Week #2
  • All the same. Just add one more set to the pushing, pulling and ball bridge sets.

    Week #3
  • All the same. Just do 10 reps per set and add more resistance to all exercises. Do your crunches on the ball.

    Week #4
  • Same sets, reps and weights as week three. Switch the order of the pushing and pulling motion sequence and do the squat and ball bridge series first.

    Week #5
  • Same as week 4. But go to 15 rep sets on the ball crunch. You can begin to incorporate various abdominal exercises here including but limited to vertical knee raises, planks, supine bicycles, Russian twists. Do these ONLY if you are completely comfortable with the basic abdominal crunch.

    Week #6
  • Same as week 5 in terms of the sets, reps, exercises and exercise order. Go to heavier weights and move to 8 reps per set. (With the exception of the wood chop, ball crunch and Supermans " stay at 10 reps.)

    NOTES: ** Use good sense and always be mindful not to exceed your limitations on any given day or time. If you feel pain, nausea or dizziness at any point in time, discontinue activity immediately and seek medical attention. These are your body's methods of communication. Safety is always your number one priority in any fitness endeavor. ** Individual recommendations for a total strength program will vary from individual to individual. The is not one single "perfect" workout that applies to the goals, abilities and genetic pre-disposition for all human beings across the board. Your individual progress is ever changing. However, the above illustrates a balanced, total body strength approach with the goal of comprehensively building and developing lean, working, active, fat-burning muscle. This is again why we put the focus on large muscle group, "multi-joint" movements in order to access and stimulate the maximum amount of muscle tissue per given workout. This program WILL work and is an excellent base foundation. If you are already doing resistance work then let this information enhance your present program. You will continue to progress and modify your workouts based on these guidelines and tips long after the initial six week period. Additional focus on "problem areas," weaknesses, and or parts of your body that you do not develop as quickly as others is valid and warrants additional attention. However, it's very important to keep in mind that "spot reduction" is a myth. Your muscular system works as a unit to deliver the weight/fat loss results that you strive for and WILL accomplish. So keep on strength training! page 2 -->

Posted on 15 November 2003 | 2:45 am

Explaining the Birds and the Bees

Explaining the Birds and the Bees

 

"Where do babies come from?" asks one young boy. Dr. Phil makes it clear that there is no stork and no baby fairy. "Kids have a hard time learning about how things work in life," he says, so it's important to "give them anatomically correct answers." Answer kids on their level in terms they can understand with accurate information. Use age-appropriate pictures to explain how things work.

 

 

 

"Why do girls get boobs and boys don't?" asks a 4-year-old. After joking that she's grounded until she's 12, Dr. Phil explains: "As you grow up, boys get taller and bigger, and girls change in different ways too. Our bodies change, and that's part of the difference between girls and boys."

 

Posted on 6 January 2003 | 12:30 am

A Good Marriage

A Good Marriage

After being happily married for more than 44 years, Dr. Phil shares some of his thoughts about what makes a marriage work:
 

  • The quality of a relationship is a function of the extent to which it is built on a solid underlying friendship and meets the needs of the two people involved.
  • You get what you give. When you give better, you get better.
  • If you put your relationship in a win/lose situation, it will be a lose/lose situation.
  • Forget whether you're right or wrong. The question is: Is what you're doing working or not working?
  • There is no right or wrong way to fix a relationship. Find your own way that works. But recognize when it's not working and be honest when it needs fixing.
  • Falling in love is not the same thing as being in love. Embrace the change and know that it takes work.
  • You don't fix things by fixing your partner.
  • Intimacy is so important because it is when we let someone else enter our private world.
  • You don't necessarily solve problems. You learn how to manage them.
  • Communicate. Make sure your sentences have verbs. Remember that only 7 percent of communication is verbal. Actions and non-verbal communication speak much louder.
  • You teach people how to treat you. You can renegotiate the rules.
     

Posted on 4 September 2002 | 2:30 am

Dr. Phil's Rules for Fighting

Dr. Phil's Rules for Fighting

Dr. Phil says that the way couples end a fight is the number one predictor of whether their relationship will last. He sits down to explain more about his rules of fighting and why fighting fair is so crucial.

Q: Do couples fight because there are issues or are they fighting to be right?

A: Look, when you see couples going back and forth, oftentimes we're planting the same ground over and over. It's because two things. Number one, they are talking about topics instead of issues, and number two, they are not really dealing with things to the point of resolution. It's just a venting process. When you want to resolve things, it's not about venting. It's not about yelling and screaming. It's about saying, 'OK, I want to deal with the real issue of what's going on here. And I really want to hear what my partner is saying. I'm not here to be right. I want to be happy. I want to be successful.' So you look for that common ground.

Q: In this episode, you talk through a hidden earpiece and coach each spouse on what to say. This is an interesting technique. What was the purpose of this exercise?

A: The purpose of being a bug in the ear of this really interesting couple was to help them right their reactive patterns. Both of them just had automatic responses when their partner would say something. What I wanted to do is give them a new way of doing a few important things. Number one: staying on point. Let's not wander around and digress into character assassination. Number two, continue to listen and look for a responsive answer that can bring back some hope of resolution. And number three, don't take them back. In other words, don't let them get you into anger and out of a problem-solving mindset. So I was in the ear trying to give my flash perspective of what to think and say.

Q: If a couple fights, does that mean their relationship is a failure?

A: Fighting is a part of any relationship. You are not ever going to merge or share your life with someone and not have conflict. There is plenty of adjustment. It's not whether you fight that's going to determine the success or failure of your relationship; it's how you fight. More specifically, it's how you end a fight. We have found that if you know one thing about a couple, you can predict with great degree of accuracy whether they're going to get a divorce or whether they're not, and that one thing is how they end a fight. Do they end it with character assassination, name calling, accusations and ridicule, not allowing their partner to retreat with dignity? Or do they end it in a constructive way looking for a solution? If it's character assassination, it bodes ill for the future. If it's to allow them to retreat with dignity, even if you're right, then you're going to get a much better outcome. I guarantee you.

Posted on 29 August 2002 | 10:27 am

How to Spot a Drama Queen

How to Spot a Drama Queen


Are you a drama queen? Or do you know one? In his book Life Strategies, Dr. Phil looks at different ways in which people engage the world. These are some signs of a drama queen:

 

 

  • None of their life events, even the ordinary ones, are ordinary. (They could create drama from watching paint dry!)
  • Every sickness they have is the worst the doctor has ever seen.
  • They have to be the center of attention and are insecure.
  • They thrive on crisis.
  • Every comment made to them is either the sweetest, warmest thing they have ever heard or the rudest, most vicious attack imaginable.
  • They engage the world in such a way as to sacrifice all credibility. Those around them soon recognize their histrionics, and discount anything and everything they say.
  • They are overanimated and act out scenes.
  • People respond to them with lots of smiles, nods and eye rolls.
  • They wear their history on their sleeve.

 

 

Posted on 15 April 2002 | 1:30 pm

Kryptronic Internet Software Solutions