Terry Pratchett Fiction AudioBooks

A 300 year old wizard is after his girlfriend, he's about to be exposed as a fraud, but the Assassins Guild might get him first. In fact lot of people want him dead. Oh. And every day he has to take the Chairman for walkies. Everywhere he looks he's making enemies. What he should be doing is ...Making Money!

Koom Valley! That was where the trolls ambushed the dwarfs, or the dwarfs ambushed the trolls. It was far away. It was a long time ago. But if he doesn't solve the murder of just one dwarf, Commander Sam Vimes of Ankh-Morpork City Watch is going to see it fought again, right outside his office. There are some things you have to do.

It is a truth universally acknowledged that a policeman taking a holiday would barely have had time to open his suitcase before he finds his first corpse. And Commander Sam Vimes of the Ankh-Morpork City Watch is on holiday in the pleasant and innocent countryside, but not for him a mere body in the wardrobe.

A man with no eyes. Two tunnels in his head ...It's not easy being a witch, and it's certainly not all whizzing about on broomsticks, but Tiffany Aching - teen witch - is doing her best. Until something evil wakes up, something that stirs up the old stories about nasty old witches, so that just wearing a pointy hat suddenly seems a very bad idea.

Time is a resource. And on the Discworld that is the job of the Monks of History, who store it and pump it from the places where it's wasted to places like cities, where there's never enough time. But the construction of the world's first accurate clock starts a race against, well, time for Lu Tze and his apprentice Lobsang Ludd.

Things like crowns had a troublesome effect on clever folks; it was best to leave all the reigning to the kind of people whose eyebrows met in the middle. Three witches gathered on a lonely heath. A king cruelly murdered, his throne usurped by his ambitious cousin. A child heir and the crown of the kingdom, both missing. The omens are not auspicious for the new incumbent, for whom ascending this t...

There's nothing like the issue of evolution to get under the skin of academics. Especially when those same academics are by chance or bad judgement deposited at a critical evolutionary turning point when one wrong move could have catastrophic results for the future.

'What shall we do?' said Twoflower. 'Panic?' said Rincewind hopefully. He always held that panic was the best means of survival. When the very fabric of time and space are about to be put through the wringer - in this instance by the imminent arrival of a very large and determinedly oncoming meteorite - circumstances require a very particular type of hero. Sadly what the situation does not need is...

It was a sudden strange fancy, and now Polly Perks, in her brother's clothes and her hair cut off, has joined up to fight for her country. But who is the enemy? What is she really fighting for? War teaches you a lot, she finds, when it turns out that you joined the Monstrous Regiment.

Meanwhile, on a little farm far, far away, a tall dark stranger is turning out to be really good with a scythe. There's a harvest to be gathered in.

It seemed an easy job...After all, how difficult could it be to make sure that a servant girl doesn't marry a prince? But for the witches Granny Weatherwax, Nanny Ogg and Magrat Garlick, travelling to the distant city of Genua, things are never that simple...Servant girls have to marry the prince. That's what life is all about. You can't fight a Happy Ending. At least - up until now...

Who's murdering harmless old men? Who's poisoning the Patrician? As autumn fogs hold Ankh-Morpork in their grip, the City Watch have to track down a murderer who can't be seen. Maybe the golems know something - but the solemn men of clay, who work all day and night and are never any trouble to anyone, have started to commit suicide.

Wintersmith, the third title in an exuberant series crackling with energy and humour, is about the misadventures of young, trainee witch, Tiffany Aching. Perfect for audio format, Wintersmith follows The Wee Free Men and A Hat Full of Sky.

Johnny Maxwell and his friends have to do something when they find Mrs Tachyon, the local bag lady, semi-conscious in an alley as long as it's not the kiss of life. But there's more to Mrs Tachyon than a squeaky trolley and a bunch of dubious black bags. Suddenly, now it isn't the safe place Johnny once thought it was.

To the thousands of tiny nomes who live under the floorboards of a large department store, there is no Outside. Things like Day and Night, Sun and Rain are just daft old legends. Then a devastating piece of news shatters their existence: the Store - their whole world - is to be demolished.

In the beginning, there was nothing but endless flatness. Then came the Carpet... That's the old story everyone knows and loves. But now the Carpet is home to many different tribes and people and there's a different story in the making. It's a story that will come to a terrible end - if someone doesn't do something about it.

Mightily Oats has not picked a good time to be priest. He thought he'd come to the mountain kingdom of Lancre for a simple little religious ceremony. Now, he's caught up in a war between vampires and witches, and he's not sure there is a right side. Mightily Oats knows he has a prayer, but he wishes he had an axe.

It's the night before Hogswatch. And it's too quiet. There's a notable lack of the big fat man who delivers the toys... He's gone. Susan, the governess has got to find him before morning, otherwise the sun won't rise. Worse still, someone is coming down the chimney. This time he's carrying a sack, but there's something regrettably familiar.

Moist von Lipwig was a con artist and a fraud and a man faced with a life choice: be hanged, or put Ankh-Morpork's ailing postal service back on its feet. It was a tough decision. But he's got to see that the mail gets though, come rain, hail, sleet, dogs, the Post Office Workers Friendly and Benevolent Society, the evil chairman of the Grand Trunk Semaphore Company, and a midnight killer. Getting...

William de Worde is the accidental editor of the "Discworld's" first newspaper. Now he must cope with traditional perils of a journalist's life - people who want him dead, a recovering vampire with a suicidal fascination for flash photography, and, worst of all, the man who keeps begging him to publish pictures of his humorously shaped potatoes.

Somewhere in a place so far up there is no down, a ship is waiting to take the nomes home. And one nome, Masklin, knows that they've got to try and contact this ship. It means getting to Florida, then getting to the launch of a communications satellite - a ridiculous plan. But Masklin doesn't know this, so he tries to do it anyway.

Although the scythe isn't pre-eminent among the weapons of war, anyone who has been on the wrong end of, say, a peasants' revolt will know that in skilled hands it is fearsome. For Mort however, it is about to become one of the tools of his trade. From henceforth, Death is no longer going to be the end, merely the means to an end. He has received an offer he can't refuse. As Death's apprentice he'...

Throughout history, there's always been a good reason to start a war. It is after all every citizen's right to bear arms to defend what they consider to be their own. And in such circumstances, you shouldn't let small details like the absence of an army get in the way of a righteous fight with all the attendant benefits of out-and-out nationalism.

Moving Pictures, the ninth Discworld novel is a gloriously funny saga set against the background of a world gone mad!

Eric is the Discworld's only demonology hacker. Pity he's not very good at it. All he wants is his three wishes granted. Nothing fancy - to be immortal, rule the world, have the most beautiful woman in the world fall madly in love with him, the usual stuff. But instead of a tractable demon, he calls up Rincewind, the most incompetent wizard.

As the mighty alien fleet from the very latest computer game thunders across the computer screen, Johnny prepares to blow them into the usual million pieces. And they send him a message: We surrender. They're not supposed to do that. They're supposed to die.

Sam Vimes is a man on the run. Yesterday he was a duke, a chief of police and the ambassador to the mysterious, fat-rich country of Uberwald. Now he has nothing but his native wit, and if he can't make it through the forest to civilization, there's going to be a terrible war. But there are werewolves on his trail - and they're catching up.

Finding himself alone on a desert island when everything and everyone he knows and loved has been washed away in a huge storm, Mau is the last surviving member of his nation. He's also completely alone - or so he thinks until he finds the ghost girl. She has no toes and wears strange lacy trousers like the grandfather bird.

In the beginning was the Word. And the Word was: " Hey, you!" For Brutha, the novice is the Chosen One. He wants peace and justice and brotherly love. He also wants the Inquisition to stop torturing him, now, please.

Tells about the Opera House, Ankh-Morpork...a huge, rambling building, where masked figures and hooded shadows do wicked deeds in the wings, where dying the death on stage is a little bit more than a metaphor, and where innocent young sopranos are lured to their fateful destiny by an evil mastermind in a hideously deformed evening dress.

They say that a little knowledge is a dangerous thing, but it is not one half so bad as a lot of ignorance. There are some situations where the correct response is to display the sort of ignorance which happily and wilfully flies in the face of the facts. In this case, the birth of a baby girl, born a wizard - by mistake. Everybody knows that there's no such thing as a female wizard. But now it's ...

Up on the chalk downs they call The Wold, witches are banned. But as all witches know, chalk's no good for magic anyway. Nine-year-old Tiffany Aching thinks her Granny Aching might have been a witch, but since she's dead it's up to Tiffany to work it all out when strange things begin happening.

Eleven-year-old Tiffany Aching is back-and so are the Nac Mav Feegle, the rowdiest, toughest, smelliest bunch of fairies ever to be thrown out of Fairyland for being drunk at two in the afternoon. They'll fight anything. But even they may not be enough. Ages 12+.

Somewhere on the frontier between thought and reality exists the Discworld, a parallel time and place which might sound and smell very much like our own, but which looks completely different. Publisher:

Other children get given xylophones. Susan just had to ask her grandfather to take his vest off. Yes. There's a death in the family. It's hard to grow up normally when grandfather rides a white horse and wields a scythe, especially when you have to take over the family business, and everyone mistakes you for the Tooth Fairy.

A Bright New Dawn is just around the corner for thousands of tiny nomes when they move into the ruined buildings of an abandoned quarry. Or is it? Soon strange things begin to happen. Then humans appear and they really mess everything up. The quarry is to be re-opened, and the nomes must fight to defend their new home.

Imagine a million clever rats. Rats that don't run. Rats that fight. Something very, very bad is waiting in the cellars and the rats must learn a new word. Evil. It's definitely a rat-eat-rat world down there. In fact, that might only be the start.

Football has come to the city of Ankh-Morpork - not the old fashioned, grubby pushing and shoving, but the new, fast football with pointy hats for goalposts and balls that go gloing when you drop them. And now, the wizards of Unseen University must win a football match, without using magic, so they're in the mood for trying everything else.

"Be a MAN in the City Watch! The City Watch needs MEN!" And they need all the help they can get, because they only have twenty-four hours to clean up the town and this is Ankh-Morpork we're talking about . . .

All this books and stuff, that isn't what it should all be about. What we need is real wizardry. All is not well within the Unseen University. The endemic politics of the place have ensured that it has finally got what it wished for: the most powerful wizard on the disc. Which could mean that the death of all wizardry is at hand. And the world is going to end, depending on whom you listen to. Unle...

There are mighty battles, revolution, death and war. The oldest and most inscrutable empire on the Discworld is in turmoil, brought about by the revolutionary treatise. Workers are uniting, with nothing to lose but their water buffaloes. Warlords are struggling for power. And all that stands in the way of terrible doom for everyone is: Rincewind.

Arch-swindler Moist von Lipwig never believed his crimes were hanging offenses -- until he found himself with a noose around his neck, dropping through a trap door, and falling into ... a government job? Getting the moribund Postal Service up and running again, however, may be an impossible task. Worse, the new Postmaster could swear the mail is talking to him. Worst of all, it means taking on the...

Look after the dead said the priests, and the dead will look after you. Wise words in all probability, but a tall order when you have just become the pharaoh of a penniless country, and can't afford to build a monumental pyramid to honour your dead father.

Twoflower was a tourist, the first ever seen on the Discworld. Tourist, Rlncewind decided, meant idiot. Somewhere on the frontier between thought and reality exists the Discworld, a parallel time and place which might sound and smell very much like our own, but which looks completely different. It plays by different rules. Certainly it refuses to succumb to the quaint notion that universes are rul...

The fairies are back - but this time they don't just want your teeth. Granny Weatherwax and her tiny coven are up against real elves. It's Midsummer's Night. No time for dreaming... With full supporting cast of dwarfs, wizards, trolls, Morris dancers and one orang-utan. And lots of hey-nonny-nonny and blood all over the place.